I missed a day blogging and now I have to catch up. Last night I felt like I had enough for a book; this morning I’m feeling less inspired. That’s a problem as what I wanted to write about was feeling inspired. Life is not linear.
I’ll start with something simple. I went to the Met game Thursday night; my last game of the season. I’m disappointed I’m not going tonight; it’s likely to be the last start of David Wright’s career.
The excitement started Thursday night with the singing of the national anthem by the chorus of M.S. 74, Nathaniel Hawthorne Middle School. That’s my alma mater! Back then it was I.S. 74. It was an intermediate school and is now a middle school. When my sisters went there it was a junior high school. It is the only school that both my sisters and I all went to. I was born at the tail of the baby boom and Alison, my older sister at the start. It took a while for school construction to catch up. The fact that we all went there always made Hawthorne special for me. I texted both Alison and Sue and they both responded. Alison still knows the words to the school fight song and texted them back. Strange things can have emotional importance.
This was my third game in a row stared by Jason Vargas, the least exciting Met pitcher. It was his third straight strong start. That’s a bit of a shock as his ERA is 5.77 and it took that last start to bring it under 6.00. The Mets won 4-1. I won the prediction game with Alan; I predicted a 5-3 Met last and he thought they’d lose 5-1. That evened our record for the season.
The Mets are ending the season strong. Over the last 30 games they have three of the top 9 position players in terms of WAR, Michael Conforto, Jeff McNeil, and Brandon Nimmo. McNeil is doing it with mirrors and his .375 batting average on balls in play, not strikeouts, or home runs, is not sustainable. He’s been lucky. But Michael Conforto is 4th in WAR despite an unlucky .288 BABIP. A slumping Nimmo is still 9th in WAR thanks to walking 26.6% of the time. His nickname should be Camera Eye. Amed Rosario has slumped of late and is now 21st in WAR over the last 30 games which is still good. As this is a team with three top ten pitchers, Noah Syndergaard, Zach Wheeler, and the best pitcher in baseball dG, Jason deGrom. He is having a season for the ages.
Getting home was another adventure thanks to the MTA. I usually check which route to take home on my phone. I have many options. Unfortunately my phone was dead so I took the easiest route, the 7 to the D. When you make the transfer you have to walk a block underground. Only at the end of the block were we told that the D train was rerouted and there were no trains at the 42nd Street station on the 6th Ave Line. I had to take the 7 back one stop to Lexington Ave and switch to the 4. There was a 17-minute wait and the 4 was running local. I got lucky, there was only a short wait for the 5 which ran express and we caught up with another 4 train when I went to transfer at 125th street.
That’s what I would have written if I had time to write yesterday. That is not the thing that inspired me. What inspired me was something I can’t fully discuss in public. This is the hard part, how to be circumspect and still convey what is important.
It started with something I wrote in a forum I can’t name, about the #metoo movement. I suggested that something needs to be done in a community I’m part of. I was hesitant about bringing it up as it’s critical of the way men have been acting. It didn’t help that I’m a man taking the lead in a woman’s issue. I didn’t know if I should but I discussed it with a woman friend in the community and she thought I should write it. I did and the response was positive. I caught no flack.
Then one thing led to another and I’m now part of a group that’s supposed to do something about it. As of now I’m the only man on the group. That feels so awkward, I don’t want anyone to think that I think that women are not capable of doing this themselves. This is how I spent my time in both therapy and with my psychiatrist yesterday. They were both encouraging. I’m doing things that I’m good at, creating social media infrastructure, writing, and planning. It’s foolish to hesitate because of my sex.
I started channeling John Adams, not the historic John Adams, but the one from 1776
Inspiration like that feels good. It feels very good. That makes me cautious. This is how all demagogues feel. You do things to get that high, to feel good, not to do good. That doesn’t make it wrong. It doesn’t make feeling good a bad thing. It’s just a warning to be careful.
I reached out to some people and they reached out to people and somehow the core of people working on this are all women that I’m close to. Part of being cautious is ensuring that it’s not about me. Part of getting things done is not letting that stop me from taking the lead when needs be. It’s a balancing act.
It’s also a challenge as I’m so much better at having ideas than at implementing them. My anxiety and procrastination loom large over this. I need the adrenaline to overcome them. What I really want is for others with more wherewithal to take over. Then other parts of me are chastising that part for looking for the easy way out.
The adrenaline is not rushing as strongly this morning. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad. I want something to get done.
The coincidence of the timing with the Kavanaugh hearing is fortuitous. Obnoxious pedant note; that means by chance, it doesn’t mean fortunately. But it is also fortunate. I am sensing hopelessness and despair from many of my women friends. Now is not the time for despair. It’s time to fight. “Don’t get scared, get angry.” Be like John Adams.
The croakers all say we’ll rue the day
There’ll be hell to pay in fiery purgatory
Through all the gloom, through all the gloom
I can see the rays of ravishing light and glory!
The way I put it to my therapist and psychiatrist is that I’m doing the glowing eyes thing. I know that feeling well. I want to take advantage of it and act while they still glow.
I lucked out today. I thought I slept late but I misread my clock. I’m finishing this an hour earlier than I thought I would. I now have time to make my brunch and then see Caves & Clouds do a rare afternoon show.
Wise Madness 