I didn’t go out yesterday so today is the first write whatever I want post since before NERFA. The problem is I don’t know what to write. I have many competing ideas, I can go personal, I can go religious, I can go political/philosophical. I can write about snow. I think I’m going for potpourri. I’m not going to attempt to write a unified essay but just go through things that are on my mind. Sometimes that ends up finding a unifying theme, sometimes it doesn’t.
I’ll start off with leftover NERFA thoughts that didn’t find their way into the main entries. I only name artists that impress me at NERFA, most don’t. It’s not that they are bad, it’s that they don’t separate themselves from the crowd, by the very meaning of the word, most artists are mediocre. That’s a tough pill to swallow. The comparison I make is professional baseball. Anyone that makes it even to A ball is an elite player compared to everyone that plays. Only the elite from each class advance to the next. They after years of hard work most make the major leagues and become utility players and fill-ins. I got to NERFA looking for the all-stars and of course most artists are journeyman even if they in the 1% of the general population.
I take notes on artists, most are in the order of “Meh.” Sometimes there’s something with more bite. One I can use for multiple people every NERFA, and did this year, is; “Thinks she’s Dar … she’s not.” This was extra clear as Dar in all her genius made the keynote speech. Dar makes songwriting look easy, it isn’t. I can pretty much guarantee you that if you write about your babysitter it won’t be a masterpiece.
The political climate being what it is; there were many political songs. It’s one of the easiest areas for an artist to fool himself as it’s one of the areas where the listeners will fool themselves. If you are doing a gig in Boston and mention the Red Sox you’ll get a cheer from the crowd. It doesn’t make what you said clever, you just pushed a button. Same thing in politics. If you voice a popular opinion people will cheer. It’s a sugar high, musical junk food. I always think of Tom Lehrer’s Folk Song Army, “I’m against poverty, war, and destruction, not like the rest of you squares.” That’s not to say all political songs are bad. I heard some great ones at NERFA. Sam Steffen is one of my favorite discoveries and he evokes the spirit of Woody Guthrie. You can write a great political song, people do. You can also say, “Trump sucks” and everyone will cheer, but that doesn’t make it art. What the hell, I like a cheap cheer; Trump sucks!
Let’s delve a bit into my psyche. I can never judge how often or how clear I make this point; I’m usually lonely. There are times in life that I haven’t been but now I am. NERFA makes me feel better. I went in this year feeling particularly bad. NERFA helps and I realize how. I don’t get the deeper connection that I crave but I make it with breath what I lack in depth. It’s perhaps more of a distraction than a substitute. Still I feel better. I’ll talk about this at therapy today. Bri called me yesterday, that gives me some depth. I’m going to their photography show today in Newark. You know I love someone that I’ll go to Newark for. If I didn’t have therapy first I would have met them for dinner. I could use that. I have not had one-on-one dinner with a friend since August. Now there is snow on the ground.
Let’s move to my physical health. I hat a CT scan the morning NERFA started. My doctor called me that day. The scan found no cats. It found no inflammation. The next step is getting a colonoscopy. I made an appointment for it on Tuesday. My mental health makes it difficult to take care of my physical health. When I do take care of it, that helps my mental health too. I accomplished something.
Yesterday I didn’t accomplish something I thought I could, putting up shelves. The drill just wouldn’t dig deep enough to let me put then screws in. I don’t know if the problem is my tools, or my lack of skill. It’s the kind of thing I’ve done all my life. I know I’m not good at it but it’s in my skill set. I’ve done it before many times. I’m not letting it bother me.
I’m getting this finished early today. That means I can spend more time making breakfast. Do I dare go for pancakes? I haven’t made them in ages. I’ll see if I can find my griddle or if Beruthiel has one.
Wise Madness 