I’ve been writing Wise Madness for over 18 years, you’d think that by now it would have learned to write itself. I’m very disappointed. So now I have to come up with ideas. What exciting things did I do yesterday? I picked up two prescriptions and I went food shopping. Oh no, I forgot to say, “Spoiler alert!” Now you know what happened. I’ll skip to the end. I made it home alive.
My normal therapy schedule is every Friday. This month, three of them have been canceled, one for NERFA, one because I was in MA for Thanksgiving, and last week for my therapist’s birthday. As I have not been able to talk to her I’ll talk to you. This is a bit trickier as you aren’t bound to keep things confidential, and there’s the small fact that everyone in the world can read this on the internet. I’m going to have to talk around some topics.
While I haven’t been depressed, I’m not happy either. In addition to my entire economic situation there are personal things, that I can’t talk about, bothering me. I’ve spent much of the time, in the few sessions I had, talking about this. As I have been on my own for weeks now I’ve been discussing it with myself. In the process I discovered that I have buried the lede. The key point is not that I’m unhappy but that I’m not depressed. Faced with the same situation in the past I was sucked deep into the vortex of despair. Just this morning I encountered a trigger and brushed it off in seconds. That’s a huge improvement, something to be happy about.
This is a tumultuous emotional season for many people including me. I’m pretty sure I don’t have seasonal affective disorder but I still notice the days getting shorter. These are literal dark days. On the other hand, I’m a holiday spirit person. I love Thanksgiving, and had my first Holiday concert on Saturday. I’ll be going to another one on Sunday, and caroling near the solstice. Then comes New Year’s Eve. I’ll have plans, I don’t know what yet, that’s good, but I’ll be dateless yet again, that’s bad.
Right now the good things are doing their job and I’m happy when I’m doing them and their aura lasts for a while. The dark thoughts are fighting to get in right now but the shields are holding.
I took a break while writing this to help Beruthiel prepare for Christmasizing the apartment. We were moving furniture and making space for the trees. Yes plural. She’s probably picking them up today.
Even with that I’m finished early today. I see this is very short. That’s OK, I’m not a bean counter.
Wise Madness 