The reason I’m starting late is that I have a quandary; There is a concert that I very much want to go to tonight, The Sandcatchers with special guest Jean Rohe, but I’m having a minor health issue. While Jean is on my “see when possible” list, I see her so often that if there’s a health issue I’ll stay home. I have only seen the Sandcatchers once, at Spiral Sounds Concerts, and would love to catch them again. The show is at one of my favorite venues, Barbès. I could eat poutine and the Mile End Deli. I could stop at Trader Joe’s. My original plan was to go to my PO Box first. It’s already too late for that. For now the plan is to stay home but if my bloating passes in time I’ll head out but forgo the Mile End. Not because poutine is bad for me but because I’d have to leave earlier. That also reduces the incentive to go. Uneasy lies the head of he who wears the concert crown.
Even though I did nothing interesting yesterday, not even food, I have things to write about. I might have too many things to write about. Some are personal, some are political, some are philosophical. There’s always my basic human nature rant; people decision making processes are often irrational. I might even through Brexit in there as an illustration. I’ll start with some personal observations.
I’ve come to realize that I’m two very different fictional characters. My name is Legion as I am a multitude. The first is Charlie Brown. There’s a reason that Peanuts was my favorite comic for much of my life and still rings true to me. It accesses many of the same truths of human nature as Jean Shepherd, he wrote A Christmas Story. Why am I Charlie Brown? In the face of repeated failure I remain an optimist. We’ll win the next baseball game. Next time Lucy won’t pull away the football. This spring the tree won’t eat my kite. When I walk to the mailbox I will find a Valentine’s Day card. It’s totally irrational. It sets me up for disappointment. I get disappointed. Yet I will keep trying. Part of the multitude thinks it is dysfunctional, other parts admirable. I don’t think I can change this and still feel true to myself.
I’m also Killgrave aka the Purple Man from Jessica Jones. His very name hints at his evil. I am not evil. That’s not why I’m Killgrave. I’m Killgrave because to a lesser extent I share his superpower. Except for Jessica Jones who is immune, nobody can refuse Killgrave anything. He abuses his power to make people his slaves, because he’s evil. I’m benign but it often feels like people will do anything for me. I would be dead or lying in a gutter somewhere if that weren’t true. I sometimes refer to it as Gordon privilege. Sometimes I say I have puppy dog eyes. Killgrave gets his power by spreading a virus. I have no idea where mine comes from. I’m a socially awkward weird looking guy. Yet people feel the need to help me. I spend a lot of my time in therapy talking about this. When I think about it, it sometimes leads places I don’t want to go. At least I think I do a good job of not feeling entitled. Each time it’s a miracle.
I’m going to leave it at that so the other things I want to write involve leading you to places you don’t want to go and I can’t do that and fear my places in the same entry.
Late addendum. Once again spell/grammar check found no errors? Have I finally learned how to type? Have I finally learned how to not leave the scaffolding up when making modifications to what I write? I have no idea but I love seeing no errors found.
Wise Madness 