I had my second cataract surgery. I didn’t die on the table. I can see! I have binocular vision!. I have stepped out of a world of two dimensions into one of three. I can now see you’re here-to-fore hidden depths.
Do I really need to write more than that? I guess so if for no other reason than to explain why I waited till the evening to write when I got home before one. The imp of the perverse decided that last night was going to be my first in ages that I would not be able to sleep. There were multiple reasons but my guess is that I’m not aware of the dominant one. The surgery was set for 7:30 this morning. New York State does a wonderful thing and provides free transportation to the hospital for those who have planned surgery. On Friday I called and set it up. When I told them my appointment was for 7:30 they told me I’d be picked up at 6:30. Beggars can’t be choosers and even though I’m only 20 minutes from the hospital it was better than paying for a cab. That meant getting up at 6 AM. I am not a morning person. I tried going to sleep at 10:30 and was not sleepy at all. After spending the last few days sleeping because I was ill that’s was not that surprising. I tried. I tried meditating to no avail. Then I used my college education. In music appreciation I learned that Bach wrote the Goldberg Variations because Goldberg wanted music to help him sleep. I found it on Amazon Music. I chose a version on harpsichord as that’s how Goldberg would have heard it and the instrument’s lack of dynamic range makes it ideal for sleeping music. It worked! Too bad that not that long after my body finally remembered what the last act of an intestinal obstruction is, purging the digestive system. I was wondering why that hadn’t happened. It was nature’s way of having a joke at my expense. I had to run to the bathroom. Then again, then again, … . I gave up on sleeping and got out of bed to watch TV. I watched Supergirl. Then I watched Futurama. If I fell asleep to that I wouldn’t mind so much.
During one of my bathroom visits I heard a ruckus outside. I thought it was by the front entrance of my building, I went around to the kitchen to see if I could see what was happening. There was nothing. I went back to the living room and it was louder. It was directly out my window. There was a car parked in the middle of the streets and four men outside of it shouting. It sounded like an altercation. They were certainly angry with each other. I was concerned it might lead to violence. It was so strange. Why did they stop their car in the middle of the street to get out and argue? It was 34° out yet one of them was wearing just a t-shirt and jeans. When it didn’t end quickly I decided that the threat of violence was real and called the cops. I didn’t watch what happened but heard them arrive and that put an end to it. Both the cop car and the men’s drove off so nobody was arrested.
By then it was close to five. I watched one more episode of Futurama and could have easily fallen asleep but by then I knew I would have to get up soon. I got dressed at 5:30 figuring I’d have another hour and maybe I could get a little cat nap.
I might have but then I noticed my phone vibrate. I had gotten a call. I have my phone set to “Do Not Disturb” late night so I didn’t hear it ring. I called the number back, it was my driver. He got there at 6:15. I told him that I’d be right down. Good thin I had gotten dressed early. I ended up getting to the hospital at 6:35, almost an hour early. I figured this would be like access-a-ride and I’d be sharing a van with other people. It wasn’t. It was a luxury car service. Medicaid did right by me except for the timing. If I do this again I’m choosing my pickup time. I would have made it 7:00
Turns out that getting their early got me out early. It was treated as first come first serve. I didn’t have to wait an hour for the prep to begin. There are a lot of steps before surgery. First an insurance check in. Then a medical doctor gives you clearance. Then a nurse comes and administers three series of drops. Then they put you in the chair and hook up the IV. Then you wait for the doctor to get ready. I had a nap during that part sitting in the comfy chair.
The staff at Montefiore is amazing. Not only is the staff competent they are friendly and cheerful. Some of them remembered me from when my first eye was done. I recognized their voices as I couldn’t see well enough them to see their faces. I enjoyed their company and had conversations with many of them.
There was one brilliant precaution that I didn’t notice last night. After the very first step the check in person asked, “You’re having your right eye done?” I remembered from the first time that they keep asking you that. What I didn’t notice is that they put the ID bracelet on my right wrist. I asked if that was because it was my right eye. It was! That’s such a simple but effective measure to avoid errors. Even with that they kept asking me. Shortly before surgery the surgeon himself walked by, asked me which eye, and then marked it with a felt tipped pen. He did not take the time to talk. He’s a machine going from patient to patient, treating as many as he can. That is how it should be. It’s effective use of personal. He’s the limiting factor.
Last time I didn’t remember the procedure starting. I asked the anesthesiologist about that. I thought they might just give me a little extra dose of anesthetic at the start so I don’t see somebody approaching my eye to cut it open. Nope, it’s that the anesthesia causes some amnesia. This time I do remember them starting. Not much. I heard the surgeon say, “We’re going to begin.” And some weird sensations but that’s about it. I have no idea how long it took, time passes strangely when you are doped up.
I remember more about the post-surgical experience this time including being brought back downstairs from the operating floor. When we got off the elevator I saw Allison! My ride home. That was a literal sight for sore eyes. It was also great timing As they started early I was afraid she might not be there when I was ready to leave. They took me to the recovery area, gave me some juice and crackers, removed the IV, and I was ready to leave. The staff was as friendly and chatty with Allison as they were with me. I have no idea how Montefiore did it but at least at the out-patient surgical facility, they have the most pleasant medical staff I have every dealt with.
As is now are tradition, Allison and I went to a diner for breakfast. The helpful staff suggested a place with enthusiasm and gave great directions. We wanted someplace with parking. The one we went to last time didn’t have it.
The food was great, I had the big breakfast combo, French toast, sausage, and eggs along with blessed coffee. We passed a shop called “There Should Always Be Cake” on the way to the diner. Allison said, “We are getting cake for dessert.” Who am I to deny Allison? Like I ever need an excuse to eat cake. We had a black and white cake. I had never heard of that. I thought It might be like a black and white cookie but it’s not. It’s a layer cake. It is even more of an encapsulation of humanity than the cookie. The layers were not just black and white but shades of brown in between with one layer of yellow. They all live together in harmony. Look to the cake!
After breakfast we checked out the botanica across the street. The name was in Italian and I thought it might be some sort of plant store but it was an actual botanica. I had only heard of a botanica from TV shows. They sell all sorts of plant based “medicines” and religious paraphernalia. Allison could tell from the pictures which saint was depicted. I got a little lesson on Catholic iconify. It wasn’t all Catholic, there was some Native American items too. I think the owner was Muslim. He referred to Catholics in the third person and by the register I saw an Arabic name. Of course he could be a Christian Arab.
On the ride home Allison geeked out over an archeological site in Sicily. I eat this kind of thing up. I know a lot about history and archeology. I know that Sicily was divided into Carthaginian and Greek halves before the Romans took over and they fought with each other. This site was a Greek City that was destroyed by Carthage. They brought wild animals from Africa, Elephants, Lions, and whatever, and let the loose on the City. They razed it in just 9 days. That would make a great film. Who wants to make it? Allison knows the archeologist to act as consultant.
When I got home the lack of sleep finally caught up with me. I have to put drops in my eyes every two hours but in between I have for the most part slept. That’s why I’m just finishing this at 8:13 PM. So now instead of being rewarded with lunch when I finish I’ll have a late dinner.
Wise Madness 