I’m being reminded how much I like some people. Just having a tiny interaction with them on Facebook gives me a shot of endorphins. I don’t have a clue as to what decided who has that effect. There are some from people that I suspect aren’t very fond of me. I’m not saying they dislike me; I’m saying I have only a small footprint in their emotional space. I have so many Facebook friends that’s bound to happen, all relationships will not be symmetric.
Last night’s phone call was with someone I’ve always known how much I love, Emily. These daily calls are invaluable to my mental health and I hope that I’m helping others. Emily is isolated with 6 other people so she’s not as isolated as most. As have so many she helped me both emotionally and practically. I have amazing friends.
I had such a full streaming concert schedule last night that I made the difficult decision to not cook dinner but just have a peanut butter sandwich. I couldn’t find time to pull myself away from ilyAIMY, Steph Jenkins, and TAARKA. That was three hours of my time between 7-10, when I’d normally be making and eating dinner. As much as I love my own cooking I couldn’t miss any of these. They are musically worlds apart, I don’t know if any of them are at all aware of the other two, but they all have a big place in my heart. They are all so damn good.
I’m concerned with my sleep habits. Ideally I want to go to bed at midnight and wake up at 8. Instead I’m playing on my phone until some time after one, and then sleeping late. My phone wakes me at 8, I turn off the alarm, check the WFUV question of the day, and if it doesn’t excite me go back to sleep. Today I slept until 11. That sounds like me when I’m either sick or depressed and no other time. I don’t feel either. This has been going on for some time, it’s not COVID-19. This is in my head. I wake up, and the hypnopompic state is so alluring that I can’t will myself out of it. Every day I say, tomorrow I’ll do better, and too often I don’t. I do enjoy that time, it’s why it’s alluring, but I don’t think it’s good for me. I’m in the land of the lotus eaters. It’s stopping me from getting my laundry done. It’s taking up time I should be using to set up my online tutoring business. It’s taking up time I could be going out and getting exercise. It’s delaying my blogging until late afternoon.
Time for me to be good now. I’m going to do something difficult, wish me luck
Wise Madness 