I went on an expedition today, two whole blocks to the supermarket because I was out of eggs. I wore the band new mask that my roommate made me. This is how I look, like some sort of crazed criminal.
I wasn’t wearing my reading glasses so I couldn’t see how I looked. It was hard to smile in the mask so I didn’t as you couldn’t see it, but you can, in my eyes. I’m not really a psychopath, I just play one during a plague.
I did a nice scientific study while I was out but forgot the exact results. I know enough to give you the conclusion. I counted how many people were and were not wearing masks. If someone had a mask, but it wasn’t covering their mouth and nose it counted as not wearing. The result was close to:
Wearing 40
Not Wearing 43
I know for sure there were a few more people maskless than masked. The people in my neighborhood are not doing a good job of social distancing. I’m sure things are better in more well-off areas where the people are more educated. Even considering income, more educated people live longer than people with less educated ones. They take better care of themselves. This is an important benefit of education that is too often neglected. I can see that some of you think that I’m blaming the victims. I’m not, I’m discussing one of the ways they were victimized, and how that leads to more problems. We don’t all have the same opportunity to get an education, not even close.
I often bring up the Dunning Kruger effect, a cognitive bias in which people with low ability at a task overestimate their ability. As in everything else I observe in others, I wonder if and how I exhibit it. The whole point of Dunning Kruger is an inability to accurately self-evaluate. What are some things I think I’m good about without much objective evidence? I have no doubts with my intelligence and knowledge. If nothing else I am Jeopardy champ. There are other things too. But there are other things I think I’m good at, but what’s the evidence. How confident can I be? I’ll go through a few of them in order of decreasing confidence.
I’m a good writer. What’s my evidence? Many people tell me that I’m a good writer. That’s not an accurate indicator. People are nice. Is anyone going to really tell me that my prose read like 4th grader? Of course not. It’s pretty clear that I care about my writing so people will be extra careful about what they say. Do I have any other evidence? It matters that people that don’t know me read this. I will meet people for the first time, and they’ll tell me they read Wise Madness and enjoyed it. Pretty simple for them to say nothing. I’ve been quoted on the websites and press kits of many artists. Maybe that’s just because I compliment them. I strongly suspect that I’m good but that doesn’t mean I am.
I like my photography. I know less about photography than I do about writing so I’m not in as good a position to judge it. I like my pictures as long as I don’t compare it to my professional photographer friends’. I look at most of what I see on social media and think mine are better than most. But again? How do I know what’s good? I have no basis to trust my judgement. That’s the running theme here. My evidence is similar to my thoughts on writing. My photos have appeared in all sorts of websites and one even made it to Christine Lavin’s book. That was perhaps the best picture I ever took. Still I don’t really know. I might just be semi-competent. I know enough to think about framing a picture; that puts me ahead of most. That doesn’t make me good.
Now for the one that really got me thinking about this. Am I good at listening to people’s problems? People often come to me, but that might just be because I’m willing to listen, not because I’m good at it. I feel like I’m helping people and even giving good advice. There’s no control group, people with similar problems that don’t come to me, to compare them to. I might be confusing enjoying trying to be helpful with being helpful.
Don’t think of this as me lacking self-confidence. Everyone should go through this sort of audit. We all know people that aren’t nearly as good at something as they think they are. There’s no reason to think yourself immune. In a way this is bragging. I’m saying that I’m good at accepting that I’m not good at judging myself. I hope somebody’s head exploded trying to figure that out. No? I’m not as good a writer as a thought.
Wise Madness 