I spent all day yesterday working on my fantasy baseball league draft at 8 PM. We could log in at 7 and it was my intention to do so and ask some questions I had about the format We have never done an ESPN league before. I was a little late making dinner and logged on at 7:10. There was message there that the draft was postponed until Wednesday. It was for a good reason, the mother of someone in the league died. I sent him my condolences. My father died right before the draft in 2002.
The reason I ate late was that I took time to wrote Wise Madness. I am diligent. I was about to write that one anxiety thing I haven’t overcome is calling the super to get my ACs in the windows. It’s boiling. I’m sitting here without a shirt in front of a fan. The apartment stays cooler than outdoors; we are on the second floor of a sixth-floor building. It’s 96ºF now. There’s no way that stays comfortable. Don’t ask why calling triggers anxiety, it just does. Here’s the miracle. I didn’t mediate or do any of my cognitive therapy tricks. Just writing about it got me to call. Sure, I only got his voicemail, all we ever get is his voicemail. But maybe in a few days I’ll have AC and can live like a human being. I hate being either hot or cold. I’m Goldilocks and want things just right. I have an array of temperature dependent clothing. I can’t dress for an occasion, but I can dress for any temperature. Learning that there were shirts that were cooler than t-shirts was life changing.
Being in quarantine is affecting my dreams. Many of them now have no plot. I’m not doing anything. I’m just thinking about or talking about something. It’s the way that I plan a blog. Too bad that as soon as my alarm goes off or something wakes me up I lose my train of thought. That’s the only way that I’m sure I was dreaming not just lying there thinking about something.
As I’m spending so much time online I find myself split between to reactions to people; how wonderful my friends are and how annoying people, including some of ,my friends can be. I’m neither a misanthrope nor a philanthropist; I don’t generalize. There are people I love and people I dislike. The people I love sometimes annoy me; the people I dislike will sometimes do things I admire. One of the things that most annoys me is that others have trouble with that notion. Ironically, people will condemn others who don’t accept that sexuality, gender, and psych classifications exist on spectra, as bigots. It’s so much easier to put hard boundaries on things. I try to avoid putting people into moral classifications. Even then there are exceptions. Then there are exceptions to the exceptions. Language should be chosen to be the most useful. We may disagree if something is scarlet or crimson, but both agree that it’s red. We all have prejudices, does that make us all bigots? No, if it did, bigot would be a useless word. The fact that there are degrees doesn’t preclude names for broad classes to be useful. Using the name for a broad class doesn’t preclude there are degrees. We aren’t going to agree exactly where to draw the line, but we shouldn’t condemn others for seeing things differently. It’s more difficult. It means thinking and then rethinking when we get more information. We’re going to fail at this. All I’m asking is that people try to think along these lines. How did I get to writing about this? I have no idea. Maybe this is all a dream.
Wise Madness 