Sorry that I’ve been MIA since Monday. I had a bad week; to which you should respond, “If you had a bad week why should I suffer?” Anyone know where that’s from? What if I told you it was said by Menachem the beggar? Yes, that’s right, it’s from Fiddler on the Roof. It’s in Tradition. Right there you have learned almost everything you need to know about me, the rest is commentary.
My bad week was all mental health. Something triggered me, and then I was paralyzed. I not only didn’t blog I didn’t prepare the online version of the Budgiedome I planned so I had to postpone it. I had to fight guilt feelings over that. Therapy helped even before I had therapy today. It didn’t help me do things I needed to do but it prepared me not to let it spiral deeper. What snapped me out of it was a call from Emily. I figured she called because I went radio silent on the Budgiedome. I don’t know if that is in fact why she called, but as soon as she did I opened up to her about my issues. That cleared my mental logjam. I got the gumption up to write all the artists and told them I had to cancel. I did much needed shopping. I did my laundry for the first time in ages. It had been so long that I still have a huge bag of laundry to do. At least now I have plenty of clean clothes. After I did the laundry I do what I never get myself to do, fold everything and put it away. Not only that but I finally put away some winter clothing. I’ll actually need some of it, the sweatpants, in a month. For now, I’m sticking to shorts.
Anxiety paralysis is awful, and I have to look at the big picture. Yes, this is exactly the problem that I’ve always had. What I have to recognize is that it comes far less frequently now. It’s just like I look at a week where I have only a few bad bathroom days from my Crohn’s. I’m grading on a curve here. It’s much better than it used to be.
Today as I said, I had therapy, cleared up a problem with Amazon, which was actually the trigger for everything, don’t ask why, and got tested for COVID-19. That was even easier than the first time. There was no line. I walked over to the hospital, spoke to uniformly pleasant people, had a slight bit of discomfort when they swabbed my nostrils, none when they drew blood, and was out of there. The highlight was when I made one of the nurses burst out laughing. When she said, “you’ve had the test before so you know it might sting a little.” I said, “I love having a stick shoved up my nose.” That just hit her funny bone. I think it’s because I called the swab a stick.
I tend to like medical professionals. Not all of them of course, but most. When people think there are conspiracies and that they are lying to us I get personally offended. Haven’t you ever met doctors, nurses, and technicians? They chose the profession, at least in part, because they want to help people. My doctors feel for me when I’m sick and get happy for me when I’m doing better. I don’t dwell on the exceptions.
I had such a bad week, and this is coming off as upbeat. I feel bad for the musicians that were supposed to play. I’m fighting the urge to feel guilty. We are in the age of COVID-19, you have to make allowances. People are still adjusting. I will forgive myself for my transgressions as I have forgiven others. Matthew was Jewish, he should have realized that forgiving others is easier than forgiving ourselves.
Wise Madness 