Rituals

I’m feeling good about myself today. Yesterday I did some things that would be routine for most people but are a struggle for me. One was depositing a check; I didn’t just have my usual anxiety that comes with that, but I had trouble logging into my online bank account. That always sets my anxiety off. There were times I was locked out of my account. I had my phone set up to log me in with my fingerprint, but that was my old phone. Then I kept mixing up old passwords with my username. On the bright side I like the way I chose my passwords and usernames.

I’m also pleased with the way I helped my friend through a problem. This is one of those things where I fear the Dunning-Kruger effect. How do I know I did a good job? I’m not great at giving myself advise. There is a history of people telling me I’m good at it and I’ve learned some things in therapy. My therapist thinks I’d make a good therapist. I’m not totally convinced. Still, I felt like I helped my friend. My friend felt good about it, so I’ll put it in the win column.

I can tell you all about one thing I did. I put my Holiday Show up on Mixcloud. Here’s the link where you can listen to it, Gord’s Gold 2020 Holiday Special. To get it uploaded I needed to learn a new skill, combine all the tracks into one long mp3. That is the most satisfying thing of all. The process was a bit laborious; I have to see if I can find a faster way.  You should be listening to the show now as you finish this. You should also follow me on Mixcloud. I will be posting more shows there.

I left the house for the first time in almost two weeks. First I had to shave. It’s been so long that was a bit of a chore. I can’t let that happen again. Then I went the two blocks to the supermarket for eggs and milk. While I was there I saw that once again they had bags of super cheap dark meat chicken quarters, 59¢/lbs. Last time I got them they were great. This time each quarter was enormous, more like a small turkey. I had one for dinner and it was large enough for two meals. I’ll be eating it again tonight. I had tremendous difficulty separating the drumstick from the thigh. There was so much meat that I couldn’t find the joint and the joint was so thick that it was difficult to cut through. It doesn’t help that my chef knife has disappeared. I suspect that the cats took it for a knife fight. Is it sad that I have a favorite knife? It’s just so useful. Having the right tool is important.

Damn, just realized I have an idiot story. I’m out of coffee and didn’t buy. Instead of making the trek over to Maria’s as I usually do I might just buy some Café Bustelo at the supermarket. I realize part of what I’d miss is the ritual of grinding the coffee beans. For years I just bought supermarket coffee, then I got spoiled. Once I got a grinder that became part of my routine. Routines and rituals have value. It’s why I have non-religious friends that light the menorah on Chanukah. I’m tempted to do that. Writing Wise Madness is part of my routine. Routines and rituals keep us grounded.