Wow, I’m starting to write at 9:22 like I’m supposed to. I also woke up before my alarm. Maybe my body is getting past the pandemic blurring of time. That would be nice. Or maybe it’s the drugs. We’ll get to the drugs in a bit. Yesterday I had my colonoscopy. Those who follow me on Facebook know that I lived but I don’t want to keep the rest of you in suspense, I lived. I love Montefiore hospital, but I encountered a rare disorganization by them. The MyChart portal said my procedure was at noon and that was inserted into my calendar. The instructions they gave me said be there at 11:00. When they called me, they said to be there at 10:30. I’d rather be early than late, so I planned on that but expected to wait at least an extra half-hour. The car service automatically comes an hour before your appointment. I should have told them 11 as it is only a 20-minute drive. So, the car was set to come at 9:30. Then it came 10-minutes early. I had to fly out of the house grabbing my hat and coat. What I didn’t grab was my mask! Fortunately, I’m smart and assume that I’ll be an idiot, and keep an emergency mask in my backpack. I wouldn’t get in the car maskless. I got there before 10 and expected to wait around. My plan was to listen to the 538 politics podcast while I waited. I couldn’t! I was called in after five minutes. Once I was out of my clothes and into my gown. I did have to wait around and I didn’t have my phone, so I took a nap. That was easy as I slept only 5 hours. I stayed up later than planned and woke up earlier. They line up the patient on stretcher and bring them in as the doctor finishes the previous patient. My doctor stopped by to talk to me before the procedure and the first thing he said was “My condolences about Rita Houston.” He knows me at the WFUV guy. He was sincerely moved. “I never met her, but she changed my life for the better. I know it’s silly as I didn’t know her, but I teared up when I heard the news.”
As I’ve said many times, hospitals are an environment that I’m comfortable in. I’m surrounded by educated intelligent people that laugh at my jokes. I have a captive audience. When it was my turn I was wheeled into the examination room, hooked up to monitors, and the nurse anesthetist injected the propofol through the IV in my hand. I forgot you can feel as it works its way up your arm and into your shoulder. First it’s cold and then it burns. After it hit my shoulder I was asleep. I guess that’s when it hits the brain. Before the propofol the doctor announced to everyone in the room that I’m involved with WFUV. I love my doctor; he rocks like Slayer used to.
When I woke up I found I had been dreaming. I don’t remember ever dreaming under sedation before. It was probably just as I was coming out of it and before I was roused. I was told everything went fine. I asked the anesthetist if I snored. She said no. I knew everyone was lying. I told her that when we camp at Falcon Ridge they make me sleep at the other end of the camp because of my snoring.
As soon as I was wheeled out I was told to get off the stretcher and wait in chair. That’s in line with changes in medicine since I was a kid. They want you up and around fast. I was cheated! They gave me apple juice but not the promised crackers! I needed the juice more. I had not been allowed to drink since midnight. My doctor came out to talk to me. I had only two tiny 2 mm polyps, they can grow as large as 5 cm. For the first time since my first colonoscope I was told that I don’t need another for 5 years! Colonoscopy facilities are run like factories. This is the biggest moneymaker for the doctors. They go from one patient to another trying to squeeze in as many as they can in a day. My doctor does not make me feel that way at all. Before the procedure he chatted with me and post procedure after giving me the medical news he was all excited and said, “I have to show you this.” It was a preview of the upcoming Peter Jackson movie on the Beatles. I love that, he was excited and wanted to share, just like I do. He knew I’d appreciate it. We then talked about the Beatles. I like most doctors, but I’ve been lucky to find some special ones.
I then made my way out to the lobby where Allison was picking me up. She wasn’t allowed in the lobby and I didn’t notice that she sent me a text saying she was waiting outside so we both waited around longer than we needed. She wasn’t outdoors, she was in the foyer. Allison not only agreed to come in from New Jersey to take me home but to stop on Arthur Ave, the Little Italy of the Bronx, to get coffee from Marie’s. I’ve been out for days. I was going through serious withdrawal. Allison is a profession Sicilian. She was born here and is only Sicilian on her father’s side, but her business is Experience Sicily, she takes people on boutique tours of Sicily and leads the Cannoli Crawl, that you’ve heard me rave about, and plays Sicilian music with her band Villa Palagonia. You’ve heard me rave about them too. The whole tour business is shut down, but she’s gone virtual. You can even sign up for cannoli tastings. She mails them and everyone tastes them on a zoom meeting. Now I want a cannolo. Then we went into the Italian indoor market. I love going to places with that with Allison as she speaks to everyone in Italian and gets treated as family. I finally got to eat for the first time in over a day in a half. What did I have? Fantastic Sicilian pizza of course. I thought it was pepperoni from the look of it, but it was soppressata.
Most people don’t look forward to colonoscopy day, but I was. While I don’t enjoy the procedure, it’s not bad, and I knew it would be followed by three great things, Allison, coffee, and pizza, I was hoping for a fourth, propofol induced euphoria. I never had that until my last colonoscopy but two years ago the euphoria lasted three days! My psychiatrist said that was about the upper limit. It’s rare to have it at all but I was extra lucky. When I woke up from the procedure I was disappointed because I didn’t feel euphoric, just sleepy. I had a great time with Allison, but I always have a great time with friends and eating pizza and especially eating pizza with a friend. That’s being happy, not euphoric. When I got home and started to make my long overdue coffee I started telling my roommate about my day, from the Beatles clip through the drive home, and I realized I was feeling euphoric. It only lasted an hour but that was a great hour. I’m still happy, but that’s because of outside causes; getting to socialize with a friend in person, great pizza, and what looks like two victories in Georgia! This is a great year, it started with getting my $600 and I’ve been on a roll since then. I’m trying to decide if I’m going to watch the electoral vote count. I think I won’t as treasonous members of congress will try and disrupt the peaceful transfer of power for the first time in the country’s history. I’m not going to think of the negative. There’s too much good out there. Remember that. Get vaccinated when you can, wear a mask and socially distance until we’re given the all-clear and work hard at making the best of it. I’ve been giving everyone the COVID-19 pass and I’m going to try and keep that up, no more focusing on what others do wrong or stupid. That works even better that propofol.
Wise Madness 