Yesterday was a bad mental health day. It was due to a confluence of events the most important of which is isolation, I have not seen a friend in almost two weeks. Talking to my psychiatrist did more harm than good. I like my psychiatrist, but I found out that he not vaccinated and doesn’t intend on getting one. I can’t have confidence in a medical professional that won’t get vaxxed and I don’t want to see him in person. I’m going to talk to my therapist today and see if she can arrange a change in psychiatrist for me. The hospital where I get treated insists on both mental health professionals coming from them. I see the logic of that; they are viewed as a team. I’m like the Brooklyn Nets looking to trade Kylie Irving as he won’t get vaccinated. My psychiatrist is not an explosive scorer that has the best handle in the NBA. He also doesn’t believe the earth is flat. Kylie does. The irony is that thinking about how I was going to discuss this with my therapist made things worse, as it led me dwell on the feelings of isolation. One stray thought scared me and that triggered me being taking the initiative and meditating. It worked almost immediately. I was in bed so the goal was to quiet my brain so I could sleep. My technique is to focus on breathing exercises and looking at the spots on the inside of my eyelids. When I’m not in a dark room they come from light leaking through. In a dark room it comes on stray neurons firing in my retinae. It took some time before I could see anything but once I did, I almost immediately got in the zone and fell asleep. When something woke me up I rinsed and repeated. I woke up feeling fine. I was a bit leery of writing about this as that might lead me down the rabbit hole, but it hasn’t. I’m not thinking about what triggered the depression but how I dealt with it. I’m being careful when I step near the rabbit hole.
I was going to go to the Irish Session at Mary O’s but I talked myself out of it. I’m not sure if that was wise or foolish. I pictured myself sitting by myself as opposed to picturing myself listening to great music. It would help if I had someone to go with, sessions are social events. If I could play, I’d be there every week.
Gord’s Gold was on last night. When I’m home I listen to it start to make sure things went smoothly. I found myself listening to the entire show. I couldn’t pull myself away to make dinner. I’m an idiot! I could have listened on my phone! Folk Music Notebook has an app. It was one of the shows I’m proudest of. If you missed it, you can hear it starting at noon on Mixcloud.
Even with mental health issues last night I had my best night’s sleep in ages. I got more than seven hours of sleep with just that one interruption. I woke on my own 20 minutes before my alarm went off leaving me in position to write this early. I’ve been posting after noon, now it’s 9:41 AM. Posting before ten makes me feel good about myself. Today I’ll take more selfcare. It’s a beautiful day and I’m seeing my therapist in person, that means walking five miles. That alone will be helpful. When I finish this, I’ll take the chicken breast out of the freezer to make for dinner. Food is always part of my mental health plan.
Wise Madness 