The functional depression has been hitting me hard. I’ve spent too much of the last two days sleeping. Realizing that I forced myself to be proactive. I took a five-and-a-half mile walk through some neighborhoods I rarely go to. Going how I just choose to walk down streets I haven’t walked before. I wanted to go at least four miles, so I set the fitness app on the phone for that. I already had walked about a half a mile before I started counting. I had to pick up a prescription before they closed. I had to end the walk at the supermarket to get milk. As for the rest the goal was to not turn back until I walked two miles away. I found my route blocked so I guessed on how far I’d have to walk not directly to the supermarket to get the distance right. I erred in the direction of walking too far and arrived at the supermarket after walking 4.63 miles. That burned 545 calories and there was no donut at the end. OK fine there was. I bought a box of Entenmann’s chocolate frosted donuts at the supermarket.

That did not snap me out of the depression. I then found myself not making dinner until almost 10 PM. I was good, I didn’t punt, I made a real dinner, a great real dinner, country style ribs and homemade mac & cheese. I outdid myself on the cheese sauce. My mouth is watering thinking about it. Mac & cheese is not comfort food for me. I didn’t grow up eating it. I didn’t like it until I was middle-aged. It looked too slimy for me when I was young. Yes, this from the person that loves poutine, but I didn’t eat that as a kid either. What can I say? I was young and stupid. Now I’m old and stupid.

I don’t mind calling myself young and stupid, I know I wasn’t stupid, but I also know that I’ve learned things. I will never criticize young people as a group. I grew up in the 60s. People were always complaining about “kids today.” You don’t believe me? Listen to Paul Lynde.

I know that was not unique to the 60s. Hell that song was written in the 50s. The old people have always felt that way about young people, even Socrates:

“The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers.”

I am always puzzled on why people don’t remember when they were young and then say things like that when they get older. In my baseball groups there are all these old fogies complaining about “today’s players.” Do they really not remember people were saying that when we were young? Are they so lacking in self-awareness and perspective? The answer is of course, yes and it’s always been so. I follow a simple rule, I don’t say that even when I think it’s true. I don’t trust my judgment. Why should I be immune from a prejudice that even affected Socrates?

I did one more bit of self-care. At 1AM I force myself to put down my phone and go to sleep. The result? When my alarm when off at 8 as usual I didn’t resist. I sat straight up and got out of bed. The previous two days I didn’t get out of bed until 11 and 12. Then I forced myself to start writing before I ate breakfast. It’s 11:16 now. This is when I should be writing. Let’s see if this leads me to being more productive in other ways. It’s a beautiful day so another long walk is in order. I need eggs, I’ll walk to Stop & Shop they are far cheaper than the local supermarket. I should record Gord’s Gold today. I have the show programmed.

I got myself out of bed so now it’s time to put this entry to bed, make breakfast, I think it’s an omelet day, and watch John Oliver. Writing this made me feel better. While of course the outside world affects our happiness, just look at Ukraine, a large part of it is also in ourselves. Some we can’t control, the chemicals in our head lead us astray. That’s why we take psych meds. I do. To say that we can affect our own happiness is not to blame the victim. It’s points out that there are things we can do to make ourselves happier. Those are worth doing. Remember we live in the same world as Dick Van Dyck.