I’m an idiot, have I mentioned that before? I’m also becoming sessile as I’ve grown accustomed to being held hostage by COVID-19. Those two combined yesterday. I’ve been meaning to make an expedition to one of two bagel stores within walking distance, 1.6 miles away, for well over a week. They aren’t that far from Stop & Shop, so the plan was to get bagels then do my necessary shopping. Every day I wake up thinking, today’s the day, and every day I find that I’m not getting out of the house in time. Yesterday I finally found the energy to leave the house. It was 90º so I took out my summer clothing, suited up in my mask, sunglasses, and sunhat, and got out my thermal shopping bag with wheels. I multi-tasked and did something I rarely do, I talked on the phone as I walked. A friend needed to talk. I walked about half a mile and then realized that the walk was too easy. My hands were free. Why? I forgot my shopping bag! Nooooo! I turned around and came home and realized that by then it was too late. I got out of my outdoor clothes and returned to my easy chair to return to my sessile ways. Today I’m challenging myself to do better. I have therapy at 2:30 and not only will it be too late to leave after that, it will be raining. So, I’m planning on doing something I never do, but that makes a lot of sense. I’m going to go out before breakfast, as soon as I finish writing this and head over to get bagels, eggs, milk, and the other things I need, and eat when I get home. I don’t usually eat until after noon so I shouldn’t be starving. Let’s see if I can keep my resolve.
Perhaps to compensate for my inaction I decided to make an ambitious dinner last night, my favorite, sweet garlic chicken. I can’t remember the last time I made it, certainly not since we got the air fryer as this was my first attempt to make it in it. It was a mixed success, it tasted great, but I slightly overcooked it. That means it tasted the way most people make chicken breast, too dry. But only a little too dry, I’ll give it a C+ not my usual A. I’ll do better next time. I intend to go back to making it a regular part of my diet.
I’ve spent more time on the phone in the last week than usual. I have tried to talk to someone every day to compensate for me being physically isolated from my friends but in the last week I’ve had some very long conversations, one with Katherine, One with Allison and Joe, and many with a friend having relationship problems. I’m her auxiliary relationship counselor. She’s in therapy and couples counselling with friends, but it’s me the rest of the week. Talking to me is how she processes things. I process things writing Wise Madness. The amazing thing is that I’m good at giving relationship advice, how is that possible? It’s not like I’m in a successful relationship. Turns out that when I don’t have the direct involvement I see things much clearer. Most of what I do is simply listen and give emotional support. Sometimes you need to hear someone say, “No, you’re not crazy, what your girlfriend did was wrong.” Sometimes you need someone to vent to so you can get it out of your system before you talk to your girlfriend. Sometimes you need someone to say, “No, that’s not a good idea, don’t do it.” It’s nice for me to get validated when her therapist advises the same things I do. I know my limits well. One of my most frequent responses is, “As your therapist or couple’s therapist; as hard as it is to believe, they know more about this than I do. It might have something to do with the years of education they had and their professional experience.
The real validation I get is from my friend. I hear how she calms down when we talk. I can make her laugh. She finds it very amusing when I sigh with frustration when she tells me something her girlfriend did. I take what happens to her personally. I’m validated by validating her. Validating is one of our favorite words. Another is catastrophizing. I learned it in therapy and it’s one of the most useful concepts. When I’m catastrophizing just realizing that I’m doing it, and using the word, can snap me out of it. It keeps me out of the rabbit hole. One of the things that makes me helpful for this friend is that her girlfriend falls down some of the same rabbit holes I do. I recognize some of my own bad behavior that came out of anxiety and fear. Therapy does a lot of good. If I ever suggest that you should go into therapy it’s not because I think you’re broken, it’s because I think it will make you happier. You have to be careful about that. One thing to never say to someone with psych issues is, “you need to have your meds adjusted.” That comes across as saying, “you’re crazy.” There are ways of doing it, but it takes finesse. Some people really do need to have their meds adjusted. I did. I’ll get around it by asking if they think they need it them adjusted, and that’s only to a friend I’m very close to. That’s really the key. I have my psych friends, just like I have my diarrhea friends; people that share a problem that’s difficult to talk to most people about.
The WFUV set is almost over and that’s when I planned on finishing this and going out. Wish me luck. Let’s see if I can get bagels, other food, get home and make taylorhameggandcheese on a bagel at a reasonable time.
Wise Madness 