I have old business I forgot to write about. First, I got my stimulus direct deposit! Not only that but I got a personal letter from some guy whose handwriting was illegible but was ostensibly Donald Trump. He is jealous because four years ago I wrote about my daily emails from my close personal friends, Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, and Barack & Michelle Obama. Michelle even called me a good friend in one of her emails. Now I get multiple phone texts from my good buddy Joe Biden. I’m really his Good Buddy, that’s what he calls me, like the Skipper talking to Gilligan. I don’t have the heart to tell him that nobody really wants to be compared to Gilligan. He means well but he often has a tin ear, it’s part of the cost of doing business with him. Funny thing, Trump gave me money and all the others asked me for money, but Trump is the only one who is in no way my friend. He thinks he can bribe me into liking him more than Barack, but it isn’t going to work. He really needs to stop defining himself on not be Obama.
Yesterday I vowed to stop being sessile and get out of the house after I finished writing. Miracle of Miracles, I did! I went to Rolen’s Bagels. I thought it was near Stop & Shop and Aldi, it looked that way on the map. It’s not that far but it’s in a totally different neighborhood, Riverdale. That makes much more sense as there are far more Jews there so it’s not surprising that there are two bagel stores just a few blocks away there. The other is Bagel Corner. It was two miles away but it’s a more difficult walk that a typical two miles. A dale is a kind of a valley, so you might think that Riverdale was low ground. Just the opposite. It’s the high grown adjacent to the valley. I believe it’s part of the fjord that carved the lower Hudson valley, a counterpart to the Palisades in New Jersey. I can’t find anything that tells me it’s elevation but it’s much higher than where I live. To get there I have to climb a steep 101 step stairway. Then I have to walk even further uphill. As I’ve been so inactive I worried that I might have gotten out of my usual excellent cardiovascular health. Surprisingly, I wasn’t and made the climb, wearing a mask the entire time, with no issues. I was not out of breath at the end though I did feel the strain. I need to get back in the walking habit. The lockdown is easing, I’ll wear a mask, and keep my distance from others.
The bagels were excellent though expensive, $1.60 apiece. I miss my 55¢ bagels on Mondays from Bagel Bob’s in the Village. It’s been so long since I’ve had bagels I decided that I needed to splurge. After the bagels I walked over to Aldi, to get some much-needed supplies. With a small shopping cart of groceries, I didn’t walk home but took the bus. There were few enough people on it, all with masks, that I didn’t feel that uneasy. I of course scrubbed when I got home. COVID-19 is less easily spread by surfaces than first thought but I’m still not taking unnecessary chances. It’s simply not a big deal with wash my hands thoroughly for 20 seconds. Wearing a mask isn’t a big deal. Keeping my distance is not a big deal, except from my friends. But you add up all these moderate deals and it adds up to significant protection.
My reward was having my first taylorhameggandcheese bagel in ages. It was amazingly good. I feel no guilt for extolling the joys of eating my breakfast during a crisis. A crisis is when it’s most important to appreciate life’s pleasures. We need them to keep our perspective. You need the light to see the shadows.
The most amazing thing to me is that I did all that before therapy! I had a time limit on my expedition and got back in time to cook and eat. I then had a productive therapy session. I led off the session by telling her how proud I was of myself for getting that done before the session, and about receiving my stimulus deposit. I then went into something dark even though I was feeling great. I was feeling great because of the money and bagels, and even more for spending lots of time socializing this week with Katrina, Katherine, you know about me and the Kat people, Dan, Allison, and Joe. I also was happy that I mailed out my quota of 60 postcards to remind people to check their voter registration in areas of vote suppression. So, what was the dark amidst the light? A suicidal ideation. The thing is I don’t think it was this week, and I can’t remember when it was or what triggered it; only that I snapped right out of it as soon as I recognized what it was and used the terminology. The entire memory is vague and unanchored; my therapist suspects it was a dream. That makes sense as that’s how dream memories feel. I’m going with that.
I am considering attending a protest if there is one not too far away. The only reason I haven’t is my desire to preserve social distancing. As an African American friend of mine pointed out, more African Americans are dying of COVID-19 than anything now. I’ve looked at what some of my friends have done and see them on the periphery of the protests, far more than 6 feet from anyone. It’s outdoors, which tremendously decreases the risk. I don’t want to be in a crowd where everyone is shouting and expelling droplets, and I don’t think that anyone should. But I want my voice heard. That was what I was planning on writing about today until I realized that I did things worth writing about yesterday. I will save it for tomorrow.
I’m writing today after eating and had another breakfast I haven’t had in ages, matzoh brei topped with peanut butter. That’s another heavenly dish that makes the world a better place.
Wise Madness 