I didn’t write yesterday; that always makes me feel bad. Blogger is part of my self-image. Before I was a blogger I was a thinker. Blogging is just writing down my thoughts. The problem comes when I don’t want to share my thoughts. I’ve fallen back into my “Why can’t people learn to think!” mode. I can’t argue with people that don’t accept the facts or the rules of logic. People prefer confirmation bias to thought. People can’t accept coincidence. I hate criticizing people while feeling driven to criticize people. It creates a dilemma. We’ve been talking about this in therapy even though my therapist doesn’t know it. She’s been helping. She just helped now. Why am I dwelling on it? That’s the actual problem. The more I think about it the more upset I get. That doesn’t do me any good. Time to move on.
The first thing my mind moved on to is a paradox, judging people for being too judgmental. I’m going to try and write about this. They key is I won’t judge anyone. There’s been a lot written on how to get people to wear masks. One thing that’s agreed on is that shaming does not work. Look at yourself and be honest and you’ll see why. When people try and shame you, you get defensive, angry at the shamer, and therefore less likely to act like they want. So why do we shame? Because it feels good. Righteous indignation gives you a shot of endorphins. You don’t tell someone, “you don’t wear a mask because you’re a schmuck” to get them to wear a mask, you do it for your own pleasure. It’s something I need to work on. It isn’t just about masks, it’s about all aspects of life. There’s the great paradox of people being totally intolerant of what they perceive of as intolerance. When people cross a line that’s clear to the accuser, but not to the accuse, they are perceived as not just crossing the line but moving all the way into the forbidden zone. If you had a friend that’s a communist, that makes you a communist unless you report them. I think of it as McCarthyism, but Joe McCarthy didn’t invent it. One of the great historical lessons is the French Revolution; it started nobly and descended into savagery. Why? They adopted the idea of “no enemy to the left.” This becomes a problem as those less left soon appear to be on the right, and therefore a counter-revolutionary, and therefore an enemy. The first generation of beheaders were beheaded by the next. There is no room between sinners and saints and sinners must be punished. People find the simplicity of this ethic seductive. Those that disagree become afraid to say so for fear of being brought up before the House Unamerican Activities Committee.
Shaming and scolding don’t make you a bad person. I’m arguing against the very notion of dividing people into sheep and goats. The problem with shaming is that it doesn’t work. All it does is increase the amount of hostility, the last thing we need. It’s not easy. I’m fighting the urge to shame as I write this. I bet I’m failing in some ways. Good thing I said that doesn’t make me a bad person. There’s some merit to “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” Remember when you look at counter-revolutionary on the guillotine that someone might someday look at your head under the blade.
Let’s forget all the philosophy and go back to what we learned as kids. Be nice, be polite. Work and play well with others. The short-term pleasure of self-righteousness is not worth the price of turmoil. It’s better, to stop, take a deep breath, meditate, and find peace within yourself. When you can gently without judgment educate the offender. If they don’t agree accept that for the moment. Play the long game. It’s what I’m doing now. The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards justice.
Wise Madness 