Religion and Sense of Self

I haven’t blogged in forever and a day. I’ve missed writing about some great shows and the Mets. Now I’m going to try my hand at something I used to do quite a bit and was my original conception of what Wise Madness should be, explaining my thoughts. Today’s topic is, why people follow religious rules.

This started with conversations I’ve had with a friend of mine that is not on Facebook and I won’t name. First, I need to make clear to those that don’t already know that I describe myself as a devout Atheist. I’m an Atheist to my bones, I’d no more believe in god or gods than I would in Leprechauns and god doesn’t have a cereal with marshmallows that are magically delicious. Despite that I strongly disagree with this friend on religion. He falls into a common intellectual trap, disagreeing with someone then assigning ignoble motives to them without any effort to understand them. People do that all the time, perhaps I should make that the topic of an essay. I’ll give an example that most of My Gentle Readers will see as absurd. I have seen influential right wingers say that the reason progressives favor mass transit is to stifle individualism and promote collectivism. I know that has nothing to do with why I support mass transit.

The most recent argument I had with my friend started with the baseball post-season coinciding with the Jewish holidays. Yom Kippur the most important Jewish holiday starts tonight during the baseball post-season. That doesn’t effect Met fans but next week is Sukkot and that will stop many practicing Jews from attending or even watching the Mets in the National League Championship series. He thinks that’s ridiculous, that they are missing something they want to do because they are afraid that god will punish them if they don’t. I know many religious people and none of them think that way. It’s especially not true of Jews who don’t concern themselves with an afterlife. So why do religious people eschew doing things they want to do and perform practices that they don’t enjoy or even dislike? I’ve never heard anyone put it this way but it’s what I infer from talking to people.

My working hypothesis is that religion is central to their sense of self. It’s foundational to their ideas of right and wrong. To go to a game on Yom Kippur would be tantamount to denying who they are. A good Jew goes to shul on Yom Kippur not a baseball game. I’m a good Jew, ergo I will not go to a baseball game. They might not even consider it any more than my friend, or I, would consider believing in god or playing Russian Roulette, it’s not in the range of possible actions we’d ever consider. They aren’t being stupid. They aren’t fearing consequences that aren’t real. These feelings are reinforced by being in a community of people that feel that way. If being with “my people” means being with people who follow “God’s Law” then it feels that much more real.

People do things like that even without the support of a community. Another friend told a story that somebody offered him an M&M and said, I bet you can’t eat just one. He said he could and ate the M&M. The person that offered it to him then added, “ever.” I don’t know if it’s still true, but the friend did not eat another M&M as of the last time we talked about it. We are talking years. Being true to his word made it impossible to eat an M&M and remain true to who he is.

I’m sure I do things like that. For so many years I would not miss, Falcon Ridge, NERFA, or WFUV member drives. Thanks to COVID-19 I was forced to miss all of them. There were other issues with NERFA, but I am going for the first time since 2019 this year. The point is I didn’t even think about not going to any of these even when they conflicted with other things. I was not afraid of the consequences if I didn’t; They are or were essential parts of being me.

The thing that gave me this perspective is Fiddler on the Roof. Tevye had to struggle as his daughters went against tradition and chose their own husbands. The first married someone that Tevye liked but who was poor instead of the rich man Tevye had arranged to marry her. He gave in and gave his permission, but it was an internal struggle. The second wanted to marry a Communist who was being sent to Siberia. They didn’t even ask for his permission, just his blessing. He was conflicted but gave in. The third wanted to marry a Gentile. Here Tevye, a kind and good man, couldn’t stretch his sense of self far enough to accept that. He acted cruelly and disowned her. He couldn’t be both a loving father and keep his image of who Tevye is. The sense of who you are is powerful. Religiously devout LGBT people have faced the dilemma of conflicting senses of who they are, both true to the core of their being.

What’s ironic about my friend’s feelings about this, that I tried to explain to him is that he has his own personal rules he has to follow to maintain his sense of self. He has gone 45 years without missing a Jet home game. He’s left a funeral and a wedding early to catch the second half. He’s missed family and friends’ events. He’s progressive but he crossed a picket line. He can’t be who he is and miss a Jet home game. He could potentially have to this year as it can come down to a choice of the Jets or a Met World Series game.

If you are an observant religious person, I’d love to hear your view of this. Did I catch something like how you feel? Of course, people are not always aware of their own motivations, but we can’t just dismiss what they say.